September 26, 2016

How Can Losing Be Good?

When we think of loss, we often think of it in terms of being a negative thing or an unwanted result. Yet considering the hurts of the past, wouldn’t it be awesome to lose what kept us in pain, bound to the past, unable to live forward as the Lord created us to as His daughters – with confidence to confront darkness, extending grace instead of judgment, and knowing her worth is based on what Christ has done in her, for her, and through her.

This is what I had always fought through the darkness of my pain to find – I knew it was there in the Word of God. I wanted it to be reality in MY life. For this reason, I share what the Lord has called me to let go of from my past, in hopes that it will encourage you to seek Him, finding the strength to let go and be freed to find the way forward  to that confident, grace-filled, purposeful existence as His daughter.


I did an online study called “The Way of the Cross”. Somewhere in the middle of it, the Matthew 18 passage was followed up with the question, “How can you not forgive someone something they did against you when the Lord has forgiven you for so much more?” Grace and truth blew up my heart and the Lord helped me let go of bitterness, wanting and having the ability to see God as the better and only TRUE Judge. My abuser needed a Savior and their sins forgiven just like me. I prayed for forgiveness of my hard heart toward them and asked the Lord to take this driving need for justice away so I could do what was now so clear to me – extend forgiveness and let Him be their judge. And He did.

Fear – of others hurting me, being out of control, of not being perfect/always being right.

I so wanted to be ok with God and others. I lived in fear of letting them down, being seen as a failure, or not being enough. The Lord showed, by helping me forgive my abuser, that He was in control, not me. Control had been a grand illusion, not even close to reality. He alone was perfect and He loved me while I was STILL a sinner, called me to be His own, knit me in my mother’s womb, knew everyone of my days before one came to be. HE would avenge me. My job was to be what He called me to be and do what He made me to do FOR Him, letting Him be God in everyone’s life.

Trying to fix others 

Part of my fear flowed from an awareness that bad things can and do happen –  I wanted to save people from that. If I saw them going down a bad road or making harmful choices, I used guilt and manipulation to try and convince them to change. The lives of other women whose kids/family/friends/neighbors had walked away from the Lord and chosen their own way, revealed to me that the call of the Lord has to come from HIM, be HIS way, and in HIS time – if at all. That was the hard part –IF He chose them to be His at all. I had to surrender that outcome to Him. OTHERS are responsible for their response to Jesus and how they respond to a broken world – just as I had been. God is responsible for the call itself. My call was to love them –  with the Good News of Christ, seeking forgiveness of Him and them, leaving the result to Him who is the Great I AM.

Being a victim – afraid of my shadow, my voice, and my purpose

Through women at the prison I was ministering to, the Lord challenged me to go confront the one who had hurt me, laying out what they did, how it had affected my life – the collateral damage. Then I  told this person I forgave them and the Lord desires forgive them too. I walked out of that encounter a confident 47 year old ADULT, no longer tethered to being at the mercy of another to destroy my heart, mind, and life. The women at prison, close friends from church, and my mom prayed and prayed and prayed. The end result was my ability to live forward, leaving the responsibility to do something about the hurt done in the first place to my abuser – it was no longer in my court. I was now free to love my abuser through God’s grace- praying for their salvation.

So, as you can see, losing can be very good when God is in it. It means freedom from what we were never meant to carry, letting God be God, leaving the responsibility for other people’s life choices to them.

Leave the past in the past  – It is the best thing you will ever LOSE!


If you are ready for your life to stop feeling so out of control, and would love to learn what losing can actually gain you, I have a Complementary 40 Minute Discovery Coaching Call  for you to discover if the Lord, you and I, make a team that could accomplish that for you in your life.