September 6, 2016

Boundaries: What To Do When Others Push Back Against the New You

Eleven years ago, when I surrendered bitterness to the Lord and forgave the one who hurt me, I gained a new confidence in God and myself. It made me want to be more transparent and open with my faults and victories. I became passionate about grace and truth in balance – the Gospel. I was convinced that He was Life, Living Water, Bread from Heaven, My Rock and the Light. He knew every one of my days before one came to be, knit me in my mother’s womb, adopted me as His child and called me to good works He created for me to do from before the foundations of the world – in Him.

God was now ALL of that to me or NONE of that, because I could no longer live in the in-between “churchy” stuff, pleasing others and being afraid to trust Him. I had arrived at a message of relationship, freedom, and grace to share with others – no one could live this way any longer and I merely sit by and watch the destruction. That conviction is the fuel empowering me to fight against the many oppositions to the transformation I have had over the last 11 years and the new voice God has given me on that journey.

Taking responsibility for my part and letting God do His, has caused discomfort in others who wanted me to continue to be the fixer or living only for them instead of them owning their own stuff. I have had to remind these people that it was not my job to meet their every need, and that when I had, I had gotten in God’s way. I would no longer do that, because I love Him and them too much.

Healthy boundaries are about doing what is best for me AND others as I seek to follow the Lord. It is not what makes everyone happy, but it is what the Lord calls us to do if we are to find our voice in Him. Then we will live authentically, love unconditionally, and do what He created us to do.

This push back to my changing voice, led me to pray through the Word of God, seeking His guidance when others spoke negatively about my life and I needed clarity – being sure of what He was calling me to and repenting of any wrong motivations if there was any truth to their words. I would ask myself, “What’s the lie when I hold it up against what I already know is true of God, me, and the way He disciplines, teaches, and guides?” This required time in the Word seeking His face and writing out the Word to remind myself of what He told me there. My food is to do my Father’s will, not man’s – just like Jesus. This is a process, and sometimes I I still get caught unexpectedly by a person really close to me who is not on the same page. When this occurs, the Lord heads me right back to that question and the Word – there I discover what is and is not truth.

Here are some questions to ask yourself so you too can gain clarity and strengthen your voice while learning to create healthy boundaries:
  • What do I believe about God, myself, others, and the situation I face?
  • What is behind that belief?
  • When did that belief surface?
  • What fuels it?
  • What does the Word say about God, myself and the situation?
  • How does your prior belief stand up against that truth?
  • What needs to be repented of so the truth can be embraced?
  • What application will continue to reinforce this truth so it can create true and lasting transformation in me?

Healthy boundaries and facing new challenges will become a trusted partnership with God. Over time you will have HIS answers for the wagging fingers of others around you pointing to your past or trying to interact with the you as if you were still that voiceless person of the past. Ownership of your junk and dumping others’ junk, brings true freedom to your life when you trust God with discerning where to lay your new healthy boundary lines.

God helps you keep what works and feeds your soul and letting go of what does not. Now when others don’t like that, you can rest assured He is walking with you, going before and taking up the rear, defending and empowering. He is the Good Shepherd and His boundary lines are set in good places out of His love for us and others. Trust Him, leave other voices to God,  and keep walking where He is leading – you cannot go wrong when He is your guide. He has something good for you so do not let your boundaries be moved by others. Let me know if you would like a partner on your journey to plot the new boundaries God has for the NEW YOU:

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