Why is it so scary to take the risk and be free of what is overwhelming or terrifying to you – being known as who you really are and all that has happened to you?
Loss of control.
Even in your scariest moments, you still have the comfort of knowing what a day holds. Risk removes the ability to know the outcome. To be in control is everything. You don’t ever again want to be where you are not in control.
With abuse someone else had control over you and used that control to hurt you, overriding your right to say “No” and to feel protected or cared for.
Their control came from:
- your age
- your size
- their reputation/perceived authority
- your lack of support
- their threats of harm to others you loved
- physical location
You were afraid of not being believed because of who THEY were and YOU were not. YOU were smaller and THEY were large. YOU believed THEY had an authority that YOU were not allowed to question. YOU were afraid THEY would hurt others YOU loved. And so YOU took what THEY said or did as your fate and their right. YOU believed THEIR words, THEIR reputation, THEIR authority, THEIR ability to hurt YOU or others further.
On top of all that YOU took the responsibility for the destruction your revelations of THEIR harm would have on others you loved. YOU did not want to be the source of what destroyed those who didn’t yet know your secrets.
The risk then was too high for YOUR own mind and soul, let alone the well-being of others.
NOW that you have either grown up or been physically removed from the harm done to you, there are choices to be made.
Will you hold this secret in your head and heart forever, letting it overwhelm and destroy – control you?
Will you step out of the dark to tell, confront, and let your heart, mind, and body heal – taking the risk to live and be free of the masks and chaos?
For so long you have been smiling on the outside with confusion and hurt just under the surface. You do not have the energy to deal with the brokenness of your past and the chaos of your everyday life and relationships. You explode at those close to you while telling those outside that things are good and everything is going great. You are just getting through each day. Hope of change is “out there”. You cannot think of the last time you just relaxed and let yourself feel and be who you really are.
The energy you expend to keep the balls of the past and the balls of the present in the air is EXHAUSTING you.
The risk of stepping into the light and being free of the masks, finding the real you and letting go of the chaos, must be FACED HEAD ON. You CANNOT maintain this act of being ok forever without cracking, crashing, and burning – losing CONTROL.
If you are to be all the Lord has for you – discovering your voice and creating healthy boundaries – it begins with finding someone safe to share your brokenness with. This will allow you to let the balls fall where they may, expending the energy used to keep them in the air, on now being whole – letting GOD be in control.
The fall-out might be costly. Some people in your life were fine with you carrying the secrets while they lived life without the burden. Others may not believe it was really that bad and tell you to forgive and forget, dismissing your hurt.
- Wouldn’t it be worth the risk to wake up tomorrow morning and begin being excited about what the Lord had for you, smiling at the possibilities of a normal day, laughing with those who believe you and stand with you?
- Wouldn’t it be worth the risk to find your voice, lay down the burdens created by the secrets and let God carry them because you now know it is what He longs to do FOR you?
- What would it feel like to be really YOU, grieve the wounds, let OTHERS and GOD in so you can turn and love others from a place of confidence and hope, NOT FEAR OR EXHAUSTION?
The decision is yours.
I, myself, have discovered that it was worth it. My confidence in God and safe, godly community, has enabled me to:
- stop owning what is not mine
- use my voice to speak into hard situations
- have convictions and act on them no matter what others say
- enjoy the little things like rain on our new roof, lunch dates with friends, and Skyping with family
- address relationship things without blowing up and lovingly speak my mind without apology
- make new friends with the same goals, despite a past that could have destroyed our futures
My energy is now on the Lord and He carries my hurts. I do not miss the chaos or the ball juggling or the masks.
Does this sound like what you have to this point only DREAMED was possible as you stand there in the dark deciding if it is worth the risk?
Come, take the risk, and partner with me, letting me show you how you can process the risks, stepping into the light where you can enjoy safe community, find your true voice, and let the Lord carry the burdens you once thought were your duty to carry. Come and find a safe place to smile, laugh, be real, and create healthy boundaries for the beautiful you the Lord has always known was behind your masks.