On the journey from brokenness to wholeness, chaos to clarity, fear to courage, unbelief to trust, we must choose to lay down the idols that “comfort” us and the lies that we believe about God, ourselves, and others. What we gain in the process is worth the risk.
I want to share with you what I have gained in 3 different areas, how it has changed my life, enabling me to leave the past in the past. Because of these, I live with greater hope for all the Lord already has planned for me in HIS FUTURE.
What I Gained:
MY IDENTITY WAS RE-DEFINED
I now believe and embrace His declaration of my worth. He chose me, called me, and made me His very own through Christ. This gives me infinite value. Now I do not just have head knowledge of it, but also a deep, intimate awareness that I am loved in a way no other can love me – totally and forever, no matter my story. He has washed my story clean and given me hope that I have a place in HIS story.
What difference does that make? I gained confidence in HIM to help me face all the hurt and consequences of my messy past. I no longer have to fear being known or rejected by others because I am secure in His definition of Kristin Anne Robinson. Nothing I now step out to do is done in my own strength or based in my need to prove myself as worthy or wanted. I have value because Jesus gives me His righteousness in exchange for my filthy rags. And that is enough for me when all falls in and the world turns its back. My eternity holds the reality of being in the very presence of the One who loves me and gave Himself for me. No wagging fingers of judgment or shame in my future. I am a daughter of the King and HE makes me worthy. My voice and purpose are strengthened by WHOSE I know I am.
MY UNDERSTANDING OF WHO GOD WAS IN MY STORY
After diving into His Word and letting it wash aver my heart and mind, I realized things about God and my story. He knit me in my mother’s womb to be exactly who I am and live the life I have lived. He makes no mistakes. And if I believe that is true, then even the broken things done to me are not a shock to Him and He is in the business of mending that very brokenness. Don’t get me wrong, He saw and allowed it to happen, which had to be understood to gain the understanding that He also wept with me at how another human, made in His image, would do such a thing to me. He has my back and the power to vindicate all wrongs done to me. I am valuable to Him, remember? His Holy Name and my cracked heart matter to Him. One day ALL things will be made right.
The gain from this is that I know He is with me in the valleys, when all has fallen apart and I stand there without another earthly friend to defend me. I can take any concern to Him, assured that it will never be too big for Him or outside His ability to mend or restore. I confidently pray to Him for wisdom, courage, and ability to forgive. I have learned He is faithful to answer in every way that is best for me – wasting nothing, never late, always on time. God is working even when I cannot see it.
MY RELATIONSHIPS BECAME GRACE-FILLED AND FREE OF FEAR
Secure in my worth before God, I have gained a new appreciation for the forgiveness He has extended to me for all my past, present, and future messes, no matter whether they were provoked by hurt or not. I know my abuser needs Christ as much as I do. And so, I am much quicker to forgive, letting God be the Judge of others. I desire to instead look for ways to show mercy, grace, and compassion. Other people’s junk is their junk, not mine, so I let God be their God as He is mine. The job of God is taken by One most capable of doing a perfect job for all concerned. I can rest in that and let Him convict, guard, and keep record of all wrongs.
This has enabled hard conversations to take place and healthy boundaries to be put in place where the best thing for everyone is considered. Guilt and shame have no place where the Lord is taking my family, my marriage, and the calling I have to help women live free from the chaos their past has created.
There is a particular treasure the Lord has given me as I have trusted Him, laying the fears about what HAPPENED and COULD HAPPEN down at His feet.
… and, yes, I mean marital intimacy.
After 20 years of fear surrounding intimacy with my husband, the Lord led my husband to tell me he had been praying for me to relax into and embrace his love for me and the gift of marriage Christ gave us to share. Such tenderness and patience! This allowed me to give and be able to share my needs without anger or fear of hurt, seeking God’s face for the courage to vulnerably give of myself. This is a gain I never thought would happen – but that is how truly, intentionally good our Abba is!
You and I have the same God working in our lives, but He created each of us to do specific things for Him. He wastes nothing. His timing and process are perfect even when it hurts or feels long in coming. It’s time for YOU to decide if laying that idol down or leaving that lie behind, is worth the healed identity, restored relationships, and confidence in God for your future. You have hoped and prayed for so long – why wait another day to be free?
Will you trust God with your chaos and hurt, so you can gain the restoration of your voice, your relationships, and the confidence that He is FOR you?