July 25, 2016

What Happens When Trying Harder Diminishes God’s Gift of Himself In My Life

I have been struggling to be more useful to God out of what I thought was a good desire to reach women with the goodness of God in the midst of the dark journey they find themselves in. I have been looking for ways to encourage y’all in your pursuit of:

  • Why me?
  • Does God care?
  • Am I too big a mess for Him?,
  • What is the purpose of my struggle?
  • Will I ever be ok?
  • Can I ever just be normal?
  • How do I let go of hurt and live forward with hope?

I have prayed and read and talked it through with God and safe community. I have claimed His promises and believed His Word FOR me, THROUGH me, TO you. And yet I found myself feeling empty this morning.

“What is REALLY going on here, Lord?”


Enter Revelation 4 and “Heart of the Matter” July 25th entry:

“It is not just about being thankful for His provision, for fellowship, sound teaching, and worthwhile causes to give my energies to. No, central to big kingdom living is being thankful for HIM: for HIS presence, HIS forgiveness, HIS patience, HIS mercy, HIS gentleness, HIS wisdom, HIS compassion, HIS wisdom, HIS companionship, HIS kindness, and HIS love. Big kingdom living is feeling incredibly blessed, not just because of the physical things, the beneficial circumstances, and the many people who have been place in my life, but feeling blessed because of HIM. I cannot believe that He would love ME! I cannot believe that the King of Kings, the Creator, the Savior, and the Ruler of the universe would ever desire to be my friend. And I live with grateful amazement at the lengths to which He went to have this love relationship with ME. It is this one central romance that gives motivation and direction to every good thing that defines what it means to live for God’s kingdom and glory. And when your heart is not captured by this love, no matter how many external pursuits you are giving yourself to, you are actually still living in the little kingdom.” – Paul David Tripp

I need more of HIM. I want more of HIM. As much as I love y’all, it is HIS love, HIS grace, HIS mercy, HIS “Well Done!” I want to live for. I have been living for a lower purpose than the one HE has for me, which is to know HIM and be in such awe of HIM, that it pours THROUGH me to you, not that I bottle within myself and dole out in portions I see fit to give each day. He has called me to do HIS work out of HIS grace and HIS truth, HIS life, HIS light, HIS holiness, HIS righteousness, HIS power, HIS goodness, HIS compassion, HIS kindness, HIS love, HIS friendship, HIS forgiveness. All so you will look to HIM, not me, for the ability to lay your burdens down, stop fearing and choose trust, knocking down the lies with His truth, believing He is for you, loves you, is doing something in your junk – FOR HIS GLORY.

This week will be quieter on my pages because my desire is to let Him fill my tank with Himself so I can be more effective salt and a brighter light from time spent crying out before His throne, like the 24 elders in Revelation 4:11 who cast their crowns (their works done through and for Him) before God’s throne and endlessly cried out:

“Worthy are you, our Lord, and God,

to receive glory and honor and power,

for YOU created all things,

and by YOUR will they existed and were created.”

I challenge you to take this week and do the same, letting Him be your focus, your all, your life, light, truth, and grace. Love you and see y’all next Monday with more of HIM to pour through to you!

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