You feel broken and weak, and out of control. No one has your back or seems to even understand what you are going through. God dropped the ball on your life and you are just not sure where He went – that is, if He really ever cared at all.
You have tried to BE better. DO better. But “normal” is for others, and “OK” taunts you, but stays just out of reach. You are exhausted trying to protect or fix what is wrong. You are careful to keep others at arms length so they cannot see the mess of your life or have reason to leave you standing there holding it. You are out of answers and your tank is empty.
I want to share a secret with you. I used to feel much the same way. These thoughts, and others like them, were just the tip of what I believed about God, myself, and how I tried to deal with and process the “bomb” of hurt brought on by another person years before. I had had no control over what happened to me and felt as if God had abandoned me to hurt all alone, without any answers or hope of rescue. I wanted to be whole, to lay it all down and be free of the pain, but I could not find my way out from under it. Where was this God I believed in- who had saved me as a young girl? Was He powerless to keep bad things from happening to me? Did He care about what I was going through? I learned that God was doing something IN my junk.
He was in mine – and I know you and I are not so different.
The journey to discovering just what that is begins with understanding that this is not what God intended for your life. Humans broke His world. God gave them free will to choose Him or their own desires. They chose themselves. Selfish people used their power over you to hurt you. It grieves God’s heart. He is outraged for you. He is working to avenge you – in His time.
He too was betrayed. He too was treated as if HE was the one who was defective for being who He really was. He was wrongly sentenced to suffer. His suffering was not without eternal purpose. It was for the sins of ALL mankind – yours and mine. Jesus entrusted Himself to the Father throughout His own suffering – God did not rescue Jesus from it. And yet someone had to die for sin – pay for it so we did not have to pay for it ourselves out of a bankrupt account. We stand forgiven because Jesus saw the purpose in His suffering – the salvation of those who would place faith in Him. Jesus’ suffering was used for a glorious ending of the power of sin and death’s curse that entered when man chose himself over God. Jesus’ suffering will be avenged because God is just, but with it comes mankind’s chance at being reconciled with their Creator.
We too will be avenged by the Father.
We too will have the suffering of our lives gloriously transformed into comfort for others, leading them to the light, helping them to quit feeling defective, alone, afraid, or abandoned to a hopeless tomorrow. This journey of understanding that God is doing something IN our junk, begins with first embracing the forgiveness we have in Christ. Then we will be able to let the hurt loose to the One with the power to avenge us, help us forgive others, and heal our hurts.
God is doing something IN your junk. You have a Savior who identifies with your suffering. YOU must first choose to believe He really is working for your good – from the cross, through your hurt, to the present. It begins with His supernatural grace and forgiveness, and then pours through you to others who are just waiting for you to discover it and bring it forward to them.
What are YOU waiting for?