Fear of not having my ideas be needed or wanted – believing the lie that what I have to offer is already insignificant before I even get started, so I come out of the box defending it and sensitive to any hints of it not being received well or embraced as worthy of other people’s time and attention. Apologizing in case they do reject my words. Needing others to validate my thoughts and ideas. Adjusting myself to what I think or feel they are thinking or feeling. Confusion. Insecurity. Ineffective.
This is what it is like when I think people are mad at me when they are not. It is not about them, it is about how I cannot control the feelings they feel in light of the insecurity I carry around about who I am and what I truly have to offer.
My past whispers forward into my present, “You have nothing of worth to add, you are used up, unimportant. Your concerns are insignificant. What you have to offer no one needs or wants. You are yesterday’s news. Stay quietly in the corner, read your books, let others change the world. They are better at it anyway.”
The past has power over the present when:
- It steals the joy of trying new things because you are too afraid of failing
- It robs you of the freeing power authentic transparency offers – you are chained to other people’s evaluation of you
- It drains the energy you require to push through the hard stuff to the freedom you already see others living in – it works for them, but not you, so of course the effort will be wasted
- It causes you to doubt that you can make contributions others want and need – what could you possibly offer from your broken mess of a life that they would even see as valuable?
Our feelings that flow from our past brokenness need to be seen for the broken, “this-world-inneffective-ways” that they are. They cannot have power over us unless we LET them. They do not have life. They do not lead us to the One who is Life. They are not true because they do not flow from Him who is TRUTH. Our way is tainted by our sin and other people’s sin. We must pry our fingers off the dead thing it is and let HIM renew us. We must no longer conform to the patterns of this world where 2 + 2 must always = 4. We must sacrifice our thoughts, feelings, past on His altar, letting Him, through His life-giving and life-changing Word, transform our minds. This will enable us to embrace the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God for our lives.
We are to put off the old:
- stop allowing others to tell us the value of our contributions, as if they are our God
- stop allowing our feelings to control our trust in how He made us
- stop allowing other people’s responses or lack of them to dictate how God wants to use our story for His glory
- stop allowing old ways to keep us living in safe, dead, “plastic” ways- the fear of being wrong and doing wrong
We are to put on the new:
- asking forgiveness for letting my feelings and the opinions of others replace His leading in our life
- seeking His mind about the works He called and created for us to do, even and especially when it is Him creating beauty out of our ashes for His glory
- believing His ways and His purposes are the goal of for every day – He knew them all before we lived even one
- fixing our eyes on HIM and receiving HIS “Well Done!”, so HE becomes the measuring stick of how well we are doing, letting all other voices lose the power we thought they had to define our worth and the value of our contributions
So when I think people are mad at me but they are not, I will run confidently to Jesus, into the throne room of the living God. I want HIM to control my feelings, not my broken perceptions based on past lies. When I do that, there is freedom to live forward and believe He will take my broken things, show me His beauty, and use me for His glory to help others live in the power of that freedom too. I have kingdom work to be doing whether I can “feel” others approve that or not.
Jesus is TRUTH.
Walk in HIS truth, trust Him to silence the voices of the past, leaving others where they belong – in His capable hands. Now go get busy doing what He made you to do as His daughter – wherever and whatever that is.