January 11, 2016

Wedded Bliss?



The things that are a web of truth and deception, created by Satan and our flesh, to divert us away from the truth God’s Word has for us.

Last week we spoke of lies in relation to parenting. I know that that is not the only relationship where lies live and walk around. Lies invade every relationship we have. They are generous like that…

The views I had formed of marriage were not healthy. What I had seen at home was not helpful in this arena. I will not blame either party as we are all broken people doing our best.

Enter a young man, from a home with a great marriage model, that I observed with great interest over the 6 years we dated.

Stage left enters a marriage lie.

Marrying this young man might actually be the way to healing for my wounded soul. It would be the salve to heal my heart and mind from sexual abuse as a teen. His daddy treated his momma with great grace, compassion, sacrifice and sweetness. I was craving this. My flesh wanted this and Satan told me it would actually work.

Why did Satan tell me this?

Because it would lead me away from the very Source of my actual healing and create a disillusionment with marriage – God’s gift to mankind, created to perfectly mirror Christ and the Church.

I bit the lie, hook, line and sinker. I went to the heart of the matter. Mine was cracked, leaking, and needed reassurance that I could indeed be whole again. On November 15, 1986, this young man and I were married. The wedding night showed the first flaw in the lie believed – intimacy was terrifying for me and he realized a bit of what he had gotten himself into. This continued for years. Instead of telling him how to help me, I pulled into a shell of protection, and at one point thought it would be easier to just disappear. I cried much and prayed that the Lord would heal me, but I struggled because marriage had turned out to be a place where I was still broken, I was hurting my husband, and I still embracing the lie that this young man could heal me because he knew what a healthy marriage looked like.

It was way too much to put on this young man and the Lord would not answer this prayer. Why? Because He wanted to be my Healer and Savior. The truth is, Jesus died to save sinners, to bind up the wounds of the broken-hearted, to restore what was stolen at the Fall. I was looking to the wrong man to heal me. But my husband was not and this was God’s saving grace to me.

About 8 years ago my husband shared with me that he had been praying for me to trust him and enjoy the intimacy the Lord had for me to enjoy with him. He had been praying this since the day we married and the first wedding night. He was not looking to me to fix what was broken in him. He was asking God to work that miracle in me and help him as my husband to love me through the journey to that answer.

I wept. The Source of my healing is Jesus, NOT my husband. Misplaced hopes were realigned with the Word of God (Psalm 103:1-5,146:3), the prayers and sacrificial love of my husband, and my awareness of how those roles needed to have that separation. I had made an idol out of marriage and my husband by asking them to be my savior, when only the Lord Jesus alone could be (Ephesians 5:23).

I repented of this lie and replaced it with the truth. Only God in Christ can save me, heal me, and restore me to wholeness. A person on this earth – even as much as I love my husband – cannot do this. They are also sinners in need of a savior. They will fail me. Jesus is my sure foundation (Ephesians 2:19-20).

  • What lies are you believing about marriage?
  • How is this affecting your spouse and your faith in the Lord?
  • What is the truth to be believed from God’s Word?
  • How does that combat the lie believed?
  • What needs to be repented of so the Lord can work in this relationship?
  • How can I be praying for you and your marriage as you seek to grow as a woman, with confidence in Christ and without fear, joyfully embracing the future He has for you as His daughter?

Ways to share with me:

  1. Comment below this post.
  2. Email:
  3. “Contact Coach Kristin” link